Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
pray to the hookup gods
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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