how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Terrible idea I love it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
