I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
