I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
