I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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