pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
