If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize