i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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