And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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