i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
