were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
