thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
