I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize