; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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