Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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