After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
