Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
