i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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