dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
