I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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