we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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