At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
