you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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