I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
