Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
