You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
