i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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