i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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