I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
