Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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