So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
