your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
