I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
