Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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