I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize