Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The uberlube is also flammable
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
