my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's never too late to be topless.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm both gender and math confused
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
