You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
