so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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