I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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