Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
