This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
