This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm at about main and main street
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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