Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
