Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
