I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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