Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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