So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina is officially offended.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
