they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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