Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
