We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
