Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
