I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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