Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There's always time for handjobs
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
