i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
