Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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