great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
