I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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